The All-powerful car mounted weapon….

…is NOT the Horn. Hey, how’s it going!

…

what?

Ok, so I’ve been away a while. So? Not my fault! Blame it on DICE and EA for releasing Battlefield 2142. If they had made it correctly, I wouldn’t have to be fighting with crash issued and frustrations and thus need more gaming time to complement these frustrations. Have I made the point? Don’t worry, I won’t be returning to it so soon. Being a top scorer in a round, about to recieve the golden star, and then missing everything due to a random crash just as the game is about to end doesen’t motivate.

So where was I? Oh yeah, the horn. Listen. To all you monkey-fucking pricky idiots out there who honk on the horn more than you hump: I flip my middle finger in your honor. The horn is not a car mounted sonic boom launcher that will clear your problems away. I was on my way to KAri’s house and as I take a rather angled curve, I see two bright lights coming at me. Fortunately, I don’t rely on the horn to miraculously get me out of situations, as I drive with BOTH MY HANDS on the wheel, and swerved almost immediately. Almost immediately as well, his horn rang. You don’t understand when I say almost immediately. It’s like, he saw the first ray of light and was already honking his horn. Like he had his hand right there. Had I stupidly relied on my horn as well, I’d have a damaged front end. So people. Please. The horn. IS NOT. A FUCKING WEAPON. If the button in the middle of your steering wheel was a rocket launcher, you could honk away all you’d like. At least there’d be some sense into it. But it isn’t. It’s just a way to annoy everyone without really helping yourself in anyways. Because of this, I shall help mankind by naming the terms when YOU USE the goddamn horn, as they are fewer as when you DON’T.

1) DO use the horn to warn a car invading your lane. What’s funny is that sometimes, either the driver had the music too loud or is completly oblivious to the fact the horn is for him, so he/she continues to make the illegal lane change. If you continue to broadcast your horn as if it were a sonic shield that would protect you from the crash… you’re an idiot. Brake and swerve, dammit. Sure, it’s his fault, but you have everything against you in a rear end crash. Again, the honk has -some- purpose here, but not all.

2) DO use it to warn an incoming car in an intersection. Sometimes the asses just roll on over anyways, so take precautions and slow down, especially at night. At midnight, slow down, even if the light is green, and honk your horn. You don’t want to know how many accidents happen with overconfident drivers that speed in an intersection with the green light to their favour, just because of the drunken asshole coming the other way. The horn does not serve much purpose in the case of a drunken driver. The only horn sound that will come out will probably be that of your head smash against your steering wheel.

3) DO use it to call your friend/spouse/sibling/family member that had taken too long in the bathroom, is not picking the cel phone, and you have been waiting in front of the house for an hour. BE careful though, as some neighbors could get easily pissed and come out and kick your ass. Check the time before you honk the honk. However, I find this the best use for the car horn.

4) DO Honk if you love dolphins. Or any of those stupid bumper stickers for that matter. Or if you’ve just graduated and you want to make some noise with your fellow classmates. Just don’t think it will save you from a ticket.

So, there you have it. Some good reasons why to use the horn, and why is it a piece of crap anyways. The horn is not going  to speed up traffic, women. Nor will it blow up the car you’re about to crash or change its physical properties so you pass right through it. It won’t cast a curse on the person who just lane-changed in front of your car, nor will it damage the paint on the Mercedes-Benz that just cut you off the road. So. Instead of keeping one hand on the steering well and the other on the horn, do yourself a favour and keep them both where they belong. Hell, one hand on your girlfriend’s crotch will waste less time when you evade a driving moron than honking the horn. So to the rat bastard who almost crashed into me because he was promoting his sexual fantasies by honking what he can’t honk, run yourself over that same cliff so your lifeless body honks that horn forever. Or, just don’t honk again and actually devote the time to driving.

Neglected nuts

We’ve been really busy*. Honest. But PeanutCup is still very important to us, and so are you guys. All f… wait, I already used that joke, didn’t I? Damn. Well, whatever, we’re still writing. I’ve had my share of interesting things to write about this past week, but I haven’t been able to get around to it. But I will! Cross my heart and hope ~A dies, such that A is the collection of people that are me, A exists in the universe of people (and, as a side not, in the subcollection of Awesome incarnated), and ~ is read as “the compliment of.” If you understood that, then you’ve got nothing else worth living for, and you’re never going to get laid. I hate tests.

The video will be done soon, hopefully by Sunday, but remember, patience is a dish best served cold, and a virtue by any other name would smelll just as sweet.

A man dressed in a short, black dress and pantyhose dropped his purse and bent over in front of me to get it as I was walking by. You’d lose all sense of coherency if something like that happened to you, too. Please excuse me while I quitely sob myself to sleep.

*”busy” is not limited to all things college related, and may include BF2142, AoM, or just acting like Andrew.

P.S. If you’re the guy who keeps looking for our site through “shane” or “honeywell”, try using Ctrl+D on our page instead.

Sanity is for the weak

I’ll be honest with you. I’m sitting here with absolutely no idea of what to write, hoping that, sooner or later, my fingers will be struck with inspiration and take a mind of their own.

I had my Honeywell happy hour over 2 weeks ago, and I’ve yet to write about it. Some people would say that this is due to a lack of responsibility, but I will now debunk that theory. In fact, I have very good reasons for not having written anything worthwhile in the past few days.

la‧zy  /ˈleɪzi/ Pronunciation Key – Show Spelled Pronunciation[ley-zee] -zi‧er, -zi‧est, verb, -zied, -zy‧ing.
–adjective

1. averse or disinclined to work, activity, or exertion; indolent.

Many people use this word to describe me, and I am quite insulted. How dare I even be associated to this monstrocity of a word. Merely saying it leaves a dreadful taste in my mouth, the taste of death and decay. I spit on it and curse its creator a thousand times over, and it still comes short of a fitting insult for it. This word… this thing… doesn’t even come close to touching the surface of the entity that is myself. If anything, it is a placeholder for the outcome of the events that were foretold to occur a long, long time ago. Having been wrongfully accused of possessing characteristics that bear even the slightest resemblance to the atrocity, I have take it upon myself to be at the forefront of The Prophesy. I shall make “lazy” a word worthy of being used in the same paragraph (and, someday, in the same sentence) as “Andrew”. “Disinclined to work”? Honestly! “A complete absence of motivation to do anything, work or not,” is much closer to describing my daily practices, and even it comes up short. The only real way to define “lazy,” in relating it to me, would be to include myself in the definition. For example, “of acting like Andrew,” is perfect. So you see, I’ve been hard at work trying to fufill The Prophesy, finally ridding “lazy” of that mess of words some dare to call a “definition”. If I am unable to finish my mission, I shall pass the torch on to my brother, who has shown great promise.

Total loss of touch with reality aside, the Honeywell happy hour was most excellent. The employees that treated us (hurray!) to food and drinks were a lot of fun to talk to, and they were really friendly. If this was just something they do as part of their job, they do it extremely well. I got to meet the manager of my manager, and she told me that I’d be working with databases and stuff. What luck, seeing as I have 0 experience with either Oracle or SQL. I’ve a whole half semester to learn, though, so I should all right. Definitely looking forward to next semester.

Changing topics yet again, a new commandent has been added to the 10 Commandments: Thou shalt watch Heroes on NBC, and thou shalt check TV listings to see when it is showing in your area. They are currently debating if they should be changed to the “1 Commandent, oh, and some other ones too.” If there were more shows like this on TV, people would be too entertained to be thinking about terrorist attacks and devising plans to screw up economy and stuff like that.

And dammit, I had more to write about and don’t remember. Oh well. I’ll be going to the Mago de Oz concert tomorrow. You’ll definitely hear about it.

Would any of you be interested in us having a wiki, by any chance?

The definition of “clave”

Is equal to the continous sum of an exam in Genetics + an exam in Organic Chemistry to the power of both in a week minus the fact that I’ve studied bull due to watching Okami and playing Age of Mythology.

*edit: I beat Genetics, so take that factor out. Now I have to suffer with Organic Chemistry.

Zeraphil’s Tips to being a bad loser. Seriously.

Well, Ipsum was whining about being constantly bashed about, so I guess it’s only fair I bash myself slightly too. If you don’t know me, or haven’t played anything with me; I’m a very bad loser. Usually. Sometimes I’m in the nice mood. Or sometime’s it’s obvious I’m going to lose, so I find no use getting mad. But, on the most side, I’m a seriously bad loser. Don’t let that scare you away, I’m a nice guy! Just a bad loser. And I’m good at being one, too!

So, I want to share my tips with all of you bad losers to get better at it. Remember, being a bad loser can have its advantages. For example, you can frighten your opponent into committing mistakes on the next round of the game. Or you can get someone to feel sorry for you and then go easy on you without you knowing it, making you feel better. That being said, if you’re interested in this post I guess you are already a bad loser, so I won’t go over the basics of getting angry and sarcastic when you find yourself losing, and I will concentrate on my better bad loser tips.

I guess he had a rough night…

So, I went to Mayaguez yesterday. I took that goddamned two hour trip to visit my good friends, including Ipsum, and hang out for the day. My first stop was actually at Ipsum’s and Carlos’ apartment. How many times did I beat on their door? Once at 12:00, a second time around 12:32, and a third time at 1:00. It was ridiculous. The second time I almost tore the door down, and neither of them would wake up. I was like, WTF. The people that lived in the apartment complex where looking at me kinda strange, like, n00b, or something.

Ipsum woke just in time too. I had taken out the hand axe from my car and was ready to tear the motherfucker down. So I’m like. DUDE! What the hell where you doing that you woke up so late???

I enter their room and I see Carlos without a shirt, curled in his blankets, his hair all waxy.

I’m like

oh.

eww.

I guess you had a rough night, right?

Awesomeness, materialized

Not exactly the right place to put this, but we felt this needed to be shared. We’ll find a much more deserving place for the drawing soon enough (a t-shirt, prehaps?). Click the picture to see it in all its full-resolution’d glory.

Thanks Laura!

The Nintendo Defense – Wii smile at you

This chat log has a slight backstory to it. Some months ago Drew and I got into a discussion of the relevancy or need of Square Enix remaking their best game, Final Fantasy VII. As you know, Square Enix began some years ago an expansion to their FF7 franchise, releasing Advent Children and some games that would expand their story. They have a fifth release that has been kept under tight lip. I argued that they possibly have started or have in the works the FF7 remake. Andrew argues that no, they will not make another FF7, and quotes from the words of Square Enix USA CEO “While a remake would be cool, we do not have the time nor resources to start such a project.” well, he said it more or less like that. Anyways, we all know the uncanny ability CEO’s have to lie. Whatever. The fact remains is that in the end of this discussion, Drew threw a shot with “I like seeing you fanboys squirm.” And I’m like, you little bitch.

Being him my good friend, I decided to repay him two days ago with a little slam session of my own. Watch how sharp his reactions become . My only regret is not seeing his face. We’d spoken our positions on Wii several times, and I was surprised to see he fell for it. Read on!

[Ipsum's Edit: The formatting beast has been tamed, but the bastardization of the HTML is enough to make grown men cry. Hopefully this won't bite us in the butt later. Moral of the story: Copy Paste after typing out the post.]

[Still Ipsum: Yeah, ok, it bit sooner than expected. The post seems to have broken WordPress. Even more reason to just get rid of this post .]

Instant car ruin

And two days later, another underground water pipe explodes in Mayaguez, this time under a parked car. Sadly, I was unable to get a picture of the same thing without the parked car, but I have made an acurate artistic rendition:

AoM screws your brain

The story behind this chat log: Me, Ipsum, Pikon and Eddy where playing Age of Mythology. The game was going pretty even till the decisive moment came. When the armies of Pikkon, Eddy (well, Eddy’s cows and goats) vs. Zeraphil’s and Ipsum’s clashed, everything was going to be decided. then the game went out of sync and crashed. This is the log that resulted after. It is long. If you want to read it all, fine. However, I bolded the funniest and most intersting parts. Rule of the thumb: Dave Dave Revolution is Zeraphil, Andrew is Ipsum, Eddy is Eddy, and J- is pikkon. Good luck!

*edit: there were some problems with the page, I managed to fix them now, sorry for the incovenience.